i'm finally coming to terms with the fact that my girlfriend of two years is just too passive sexually for me.
she's had 3 times as many partners as me, but is so shy about sex! I was fucking her for weeks before I had to finally take my own clothes off and ask her to touch me. oh, and on top of that... she's never gone down on me.
she says she never has, that it's just never come up, but i find that so hard to believe (especially since she's 31- plus she previously told me she had so she was either lying then, or lying now). she says that she "wants" to, she's just scared. it's at the point where i don't even want her to try because i'm convinced it's going to be awful for both of us.
the thing is, i'm femme. high femme. i expect to be taken. i like it on the rough side and have my kinks here and there. she won't indulge me in any of this. after months of talking, begging, bargaining and processing we got a strap on, but she seems to hate wearing it (although she tells me she likes it, but she never brings it up or seems to want to include it) so i've stopped requesting it.
the problem is I LOVE HER. so much. she is so perfect for me in every other way. she's incredibly nice, fun, interesting and understanding... oh, and we got married a few months ago so i'm in it for life now.
the sex we do have (low frequency as it is) is fun, but not what I feel like i *need*. she will never be dominant. she will never be a top. i will never get taken, tied to the bed, fucked hard, spanked, slapped, fisted... nothing except very vanilla fingering with no dirty talking or even moaning.
i feel like my sexuality is totally being stifled, and i feel unbelievably unattractive and unwanted. i don't get why i can't just motivate her. when i do try to talk about it, she ends up more upset than i am and i end up comforting her. i feel so guilty for being so dirty, when i know this would be a major plus to many other girls... but i don't want other girls. i want her.
i just don't know what to do. it feels like there are no answers. i have no idea how to shut down that part of myself or how to turn off this terrible longing i feel. i dont think either of us are cut out for an open relationship, especially with what a hard dive my self esteem has taken in the midst of all this.
i guess i just needed to vent and see if anyone knows a magic spell to make your soft, vanilla, bottom-y girlfriend into a hard top.