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Suck It Up, Dyke!

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[23 Sep 2012|07:11pm]

Has anyone here ever gotten back with an ex after she cheated? 
I would really appreciate any stories of how it happened / whether it was a good decision / what made you decide to get back together with her etc etc etc.

We get along incredibly well and are really compatible but she cheated one day randomly at a club after drinking too much and we broke up after that. Just wondering how anyone could ever get past the lack of trust or if it's even a good idea in the first place to get back with her? It's very confusing, I've never been any situation like this before.

Appreciate any input at all! Personal experiences would be great too (:
13 set you straight Suck it up, dyke!

[13 Aug 2012|12:43am]
What is your general opinion on organized events in the LGBT community that mainly consist of drunk single people who hook up with one another, like Dinah Shore or all-gay resorts/cruises? Would you ever go there with your partner; why or why not?
18 set you straight Suck it up, dyke!

[06 Aug 2012|03:43am]
How do you know when someone is "the one" ??

I've been with my girlfriend for only six months but I'm having serious thoughts about a future with her. This is new for me because I tend to try and take things more slowly; all of my past relationships were more live-in-the-moment type situations. I NEVER was able to picture a future with anyone.

I often daydream about marrying this girl, having children with her, a house, a dog, the whole nine yards. I can't imagine life without her. I worry that it's a little early for me to be thinking about all this stuff, though... but I can't help it. Could it be that I'm getting older? I'll be 25 soon. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by all of these feelings. Any thoughts?
25 set you straight Suck it up, dyke!

herpes [27 Jul 2012|11:14am]
I have a friend who has herpes. I know for a fact that she doesn't disclose the information to new lovers. If I slept with someone who didn't tell me about an std they had, I'd be beside myself.

I know it's probably none of my business, but it kills me! I feel like I need to tell these girls. I would never do that..

But what can I do? It's just so wrong.

Mind my own business, right? Stay out of it..
18 set you straight Suck it up, dyke!

Romantic Mind vs Practical Lover [26 Jul 2012|10:00am]

Hello hello all you wonderful people. I write to you today to ask for some serious help.

I am a hopeless romantic. I love physical affection and passion fuels my very need for living. I measure my success in life via the personal relationships I have and sex is incredibly important to me.

My girlfriend, is almost the complete opposite. She wants to pursue her career in Social Work, she is a practical thinker and has excellent control of her emotions. She never acts irrationally and is usually pretty calm. Her language of love is Acts of Service and she takes really great care of me.

Here is our problem.

We havent had sex in SIX weeks.

Now I love this girl with every OUNCE of my physical mental and emotional being. I have never ever met a mind and heart like hers. I want to be with her for as long as we can stand it. She feels the same.
But we have these different sex drives that is inevitably causing issues.
I feel unwanted and neglected. She feels pressured and horrible because of the pain its causing me.

After a very long and emotional conversation last night we came to three options.

1. Open relationship. Which is want i want as a last resort. I need to try all the other options first.

2. Herbal supplements that can increase the sex drive.

3. Me approaching sex in a different way, so that it appeals to her and gets her in the mood with out being romantic and emotional.

So...Im going to start with option number three....but my problem is...I dont know any other way to initiate and encourage sex without being the romantic suave me. It doesnt work on her and if anything it just turns her off.

So to all those ladies out there, who finds their partner doing the dishes the most romantic and loving gesture... can you please help me. What turns you on? What gets you in the mood?
What sort of things can I do or say to my girl that will help her want to please me and be pleased. My mind doesnt work like yours and I am utterly baffled. Things like.. candlelit dinners and love notes with candles have just been met with giggles and "are you kidding?? this is so cheesy!!!"

I need to find a way to solve this, so I turn to you my faithful!!!


Unfucked and Desperate.
29 set you straight Suck it up, dyke!

About being weird friends (but not really) [24 Jul 2012|01:48pm]

I like a girl. 

The first time we met each other, I immediately liked her. It is all very cliche. That was 4 years ago. We talked every day from that day we first met and went out etc. But shit happened and we couldn't be together. I asked her to be my girlfriend but she said, "whats the point, you're leaving in a month." So I left. She emailed me and told me that she missed me and keeps thinking about what could have been etc and that who knows, maybe when I come back we could start again.

All this time we never once admitted that we liked each other.

When I came back for summer vacation she had to leave for her uni so we hung out again and got very close until she had to leave. Eventually I got a girlfriend in the UK and she got hers.

Then I returned after 3 years while she was still in Australia. Before she came back for her vacation, we got closer again and talked every night. There were 2 other girls after me at that time and she knew about it. She told me to wait for her, if that wasn't too much to ask. I waited. On the night of her arrival she came straight to my place and it was great. We went out for a drink with a couple of friends and I asked her directly if she liked me. She was tipsy and just kept pushing me away. Pissed, I walked off and she yanked me back and said, "if you really liked me, you wouldn't even bother with anyone else." And there was nothing left to say. We ended rather badly that time. And it was my fault.

I got together with another girl. 

Later on I found out from her friends that she had actually planned to ask me to be her girlfriend in some restaurant involving balloons and kneeling and what not. So once again I repeat that it was my fault. D:

So anyway THIS TIME, after a year since the last incident, we are finally both at the same place at the same time. Neither of us will be moving any time soon.

We met up last Friday for a drink at some party. I was telling her how I hate that my senior designer likes me because we were friends before this happened and now our friendship is ruined. She then asked, "we're friends now, so if I like you, will you get angry at me?" And I said, "Yes." Then she looked away and went, "you can be forever single then."

I didn't mean it. Of course I wouldn't be angry if she liked me. I like her a lot. I've fancied her for 4 years. I just panicked I guess. Silly.

I guess I should also mention that she has always been the one to text me / call me first. I never initiate any contact with her because I am soooooo freaking shy. -.- Major anxiety. But ever since that day, she has stopped texting me first so I've been trying taking the initiative to talk to her first. This may seem trivial to many but it's a big deal for me. Also, our conversations kind of trail off and we don't text as much as we used to before anymore.

My question is, SIUD, do you think I should clarify what I said to her on Friday in response to her question? Or should I just leave it and try to show her I like her by my actions? If so, what should I dooo... I'm so lost! Or should I just leave it and move on?
25 set you straight Suck it up, dyke!

Get Angry. I Dare You. Please? [17 Jul 2012|09:32pm]

[ mood | distressed ]

I'm having an Angry Queer Day and I want, 1. for others to be righteously angry with me (which is why I turn to the internet), and 2. some honest, blunt feedback on my issue du jour (and because I don't want coddling I've turned to all of you). And let me be up front- righteous indignation is encouraged, nay expected, from all perspectives.

 I'm not sure if this problem exists solely on the internets (but since many people sometimes interact with RL, I'm gonna go ahead and say maybe this bullshit is out and about)....so here's the thing- what happened to all the Queer Pride? When did it become okay to be biphobic if you prefaced your bigotry with narcissistic label-fucking (you know, the, "oh, I don't identify as a bisexual..person not parts so I am a unique and precious snowflake")? When did it become okay to be a lesbian and still gobble up straight privilege? Seriously? Why would anyone think it's okay to call themselves a lesbian while engaging in hetero sex? Why am I seeing obvious self-loathing being rewarded with platitudes and, again, that whole snowflake diatribe? Has everyone forgotten that we are a hunted, oppressed people? Or, is that just so fucking scary that all our baby dykes are pleased as punch to have a girlfriend and a rainbow necklace, but can't actually bring themselves to use the word 'dyke?!" WHY ARE WE REWARDING COMPLACENCY? I actually encountered a lesbian on OkCupid who thought two straight girls making out at a bar specifically to titillate the menfolk was fine and silly and harmless. WTF?

I am surrounded by straight people in RL. Please, dykey internet denizens, tell me- are the Angry Queers silent, elsewhere, or (and this terrifies me) dwindling rapidly? Has it always been this way and I'm just in a pissy mood?  Do I have unreasonable expectations? And does anyone want to be An Angry Queer with me?

Oh, and here's a link to "Queers Read This."

59 set you straight Suck it up, dyke!

[14 Jul 2012|09:31pm]

[ mood | confused ]

Hello all,

I went on two dates with a girl a few weeks ago. They went really well, and we agreed that although neither of us wanted to actively built relationships at this stage in our lives, we felt that we were compatible and wanted to keep seeing each other.

The next week she cancelled on me and rescheduled for the following night 5 days in a row ​(edited to include the cancellations were because she was really sick, and she is the one who kept initiating rescheduling) Then she went to the doctor and found out she has cancer.

The following week I was out of town.
Then she was out of town.
We made plans to meet up when she got back, but she wasn't responding to my texts consistently to make plans. The night we had finally set up, she ended up collapsing at work and taken in an ambulance to the hospital. Of course, when she told me this (from the hospital, after the time we were supposed to meet) I told her she should do what was best for her health, that I wouldn't mind.

We rescheduled for tonight, and again I texted her this morning, and then again this evening asking about our plans, and she hasn't responded at all. I'm genuinely worried about her, and I definitely do not take it personally. However, my mom had cancer while she was dating my dad when they were our age, and I feel like I could really be there for her... at the same time, we don't know each other that well, I don't want her to feel like I'm being pushy at all because I get it if she doesn't want to deal with new people. I just think she should be texting me back or communicating more about her plans, whatever they are, if she really wants to see me again. I feel strung-along, not because she keeps canceling, but just because she always cancels after we were already supposed to have met up.

How can I communicate this with her without placing more of a burden on her than chemo and work already are? If it makes a difference, she moved here recently and all her family/friends live across the country, so I know she lacks support networks to help. Do I just sit back until she contacts me again? If so, how do I communicate that I don't want to make plans and then not hear from her a sixth time?

9 set you straight Suck it up, dyke!

Should I stay or should I go? [10 Jul 2012|08:48am]

Hello SIUDers! I'm in a sticky situation and I need a gut check.

I've been dating my girlfriend for almost 2 years now. She's in Boston and I'm in DC, but a few months ago we made the decision (under consideration for some time) to co-locate. I'm set to move up there at the end of the month; my room is already half-full of boxes, I have a job (which I've already started in DC before I transfer to the Boston office), and I'm set to sign a lease and put down a deposit on a moving van this month.

Well, last night she calls me and basically tells me she's not sure about us. She didn't put it in these words, but the gist of the conversation was, "I still love you but I'm not sure I'm in love with you anymore." She's only felt that way for about a week, and she's not sure about anything, but she is having doubts.

Hence the sticky situation.

Now, she's not sure of anything. After a long conversation, I still want to continue on with the move. For one thing, though the move was primarily motivated by her, I'm getting excited to move to Boston for other reasons - it's a cool city, I'm looking forward to doing something new (I've been in DC for 8 years), I have friends and family up there, etc. For a second thing, I feel like if we've been successful at a difficult long-distance relationship for almost two years, we should at least try the "easy" short-distance relationship. (Though we aren't moving in together.)

And for a third, I think there's such a strong chance that her doubts aren't due to some essential flaw in the relationship but circumstances. We've both been really stressed out and sleep-deprived (both because of the move and because of other things going on in each of our lives); we've been together long enough that the "honeymoon" period has worn off; we're about to make a big lifestyle change that neither of us has been through before and it's scary and seems pretty normal for at least one of us to have cold feet. Hell, when we originally made the final decision that I would be moving, I panicked and went through something very similar, where I questioned and doubted our relationship.

Ultimately, I just don't think it's worth giving up on something that's been wonderful for so long for such vague doubts, especially when I have a safety net in the city should the relationship fall apart after all.

But be honest with me - would moving up there when she's questioning things be a mistake?
11 set you straight Suck it up, dyke!

[19 Jun 2012|03:14pm]
I'm having some issues with my mother, as usual.

I'm 24 and I live at home because I'm putting myself through college and she's what one might call a helicopter mom. She also might have narcissistic personality disorder, but I'm no shrink. Either way, she's controlling and feels entitled to verbalize every opinion that pops into her head.

Basically, she doesn't believe that I'm gay. She is disappointed with me because I've "never given boys a chance." She thinks that I should break up with my girlfriend of six months, keep her as a friend, and try to date a man. Uh, no. I have zero interest in dating men and I have zero interest in ending my relationship. I am very happy and in love.

The biggest problem is that she's so up and down, wishy washy. One day she totally loves my girlfriend and the next she's down my throat about all the things wrong with her, telling me I need to watch out for this that and the other thing.

She thinks the reason that I don't date men, or "give men a chance" is because I didn't have a strong male father figure, I was made fun of as a child by boys, and I was sexually assaulted four years ago. She doesn't believe me that my lesbo feelings have existed since I was a child. Just because I'm feminine and stuff she assumes I can't possibly be gay. She makes up things in her head to prove her point that are total and complete fabrications, like "Oh, I saw you look at that boy.. you think he's cute, don't you?" "Oh, I saw you get all nervous and embarrassed around that cute boy.. you really need to get over your issues with men and meet one to marry someday" etc.

I'm just at a loss right now. I don't know what to do besides nod and smile until I can get the fuck out of her house, which may not be for another year. It's just so hard for me to bite my tongue and keep the peace when she's so fucking disrespectful of who I am and who I'm with. She thinks she knows me better than I know myself. Is there ANYTHING I can do? She refuses to see a counselor with me because she feels it's unnecessary, because she's always right.

Thanks :/
28 set you straight Suck it up, dyke!

mourning my dirty sex life [22 May 2012|09:11pm]
i'm finally coming to terms with the fact that my girlfriend of two years is just too passive sexually for me.
she's had 3 times as many partners as me, but is so shy about sex! I was fucking her for weeks before I had to finally take my own clothes off and ask her to touch me. oh, and on top of that... she's never gone down on me.
she says she never has, that it's just never come up, but i find that so hard to believe (especially since she's 31- plus she previously told me she had so she was either lying then, or lying now). she says that she "wants" to, she's just scared. it's at the point where i don't even want her to try because i'm convinced it's going to be awful for both of us. 
the thing is, i'm femme. high femme. i expect to be taken. i like it on the rough side and have my kinks here and there. she won't indulge me in any of this. after months of talking, begging, bargaining and processing we got a strap on, but she seems to hate wearing it (although she tells me she likes it, but she never brings it up or seems to want to include it) so i've stopped requesting it.
the problem is I LOVE HER. so much. she is so perfect for me in every other way. she's incredibly nice, fun, interesting and understanding... oh, and we got married a few months ago so i'm in it for life now. 
the sex we do have (low frequency as it is) is fun, but not what I feel like i *need*. she will never be dominant. she will never be a top. i will never get taken, tied to the bed, fucked hard, spanked, slapped, fisted... nothing except very vanilla fingering with no dirty talking or even moaning. 
i feel like my sexuality is totally being stifled, and i feel unbelievably unattractive and unwanted. i don't get why i can't just motivate her. when i do try to talk about it, she ends up more upset than i am and i end up comforting her. i feel so guilty for being so dirty, when i know this would be a major plus to many other girls... but i don't want other girls. i want her.
i just don't know what to do. it feels like there are no answers. i have no idea how to shut down that part of myself or how to turn off this terrible longing i feel. i dont think either of us are cut out for an open relationship, especially with what a hard dive my self esteem has taken in the midst of all this.
i guess i just needed to vent and see if anyone knows a magic spell to make your soft, vanilla, bottom-y girlfriend into a hard top. 
27 set you straight Suck it up, dyke!

Queer Mutiny [10 May 2012|05:19pm]

So, I'm fed up with laws prohibiting marriage and civil unions for queers.
Who isn't?

I want to be socially and politically active- being that I am directly affected by that legal discrimination and my life choices are up for debate in the public square ("the personal is political"). I want to start a Queer Mutiny group in my city. In the spirit of already established QMs, I have in mind a support zone where queers of all stripes can brainstorm and have teach-ins about things like legal rights, subvertising, history of LGBTQI movements, gender binary, self defense & reclaiming space, identity & privilege, active consent, zines and literature, sexism, DIY health, etc... and also good old fashioned queer dance parties and drag shows and the like.

The thing is, I've never done anything like this before. I'm not much of a teacher myself, and I'm not super interested in taking on a leadership role- I'd rather it be a consensus-based egalitarian thing- but I know that to get it started I'd have to take some serious organizing initiative: planning the date for the first meeting(s), locating a space, getting the word out, etc. and all of this feels very intimidating to me. I don't want to take on too much and then be expected to uphold the thing on my own, or I will burn out quickly...

I was wondering if any of you have advice or experience with queer activism/grassroots organizing/event outreach/teach-ins/etc.? Or just general advice?

Also, I don't currently have a facebook account (corporate data mining pisses me off.) Do you think it's possible to be effective in spreading the word about something like this without social networking sites? Or is that the only way anyone keeps track of events these days? I'd like to believe in good old fashioned flyering, emails and phone calls, but I'm just not sure if that's good enough...

12 set you straight Suck it up, dyke!

[22 Apr 2012|06:53pm]
How often do you use a strap-on during sex? Just curious. My girlfriend and I bought one last week and while I enjoy it, I still prefer the au natural technique.
9 set you straight Suck it up, dyke!

[10 Apr 2012|04:16pm]


Somewhere I've heard of people buying additional/replacement o-rings for harnesses at places other than sex shops. Like, rings meant for something else, sold at hardware stores. For much less money. It's tempting--at my local sex shop you can only buy a package of several sizes of rubber o-rings for $10 or $12.

Have you done this? Did it work well? What kind did you get? (Metal? Rubber?) What section were the rings in/what were they meant for?

8 set you straight Suck it up, dyke!

[15 Mar 2012|02:05am]

Virgin or no virgin?Collapse )

18 set you straight Suck it up, dyke!

[03 Jan 2012|10:03pm]

My girlfriend is the kind, generous and sweet. Truly someone that is beautiful inside and out. I want nothing more for this relationship to succeed, but I'm not sure what the difference is between forcing it and making it work. At the end of the day, I have more fun spending time with my friends and it's hard for me to make her a priority over them. Since I'm in my late 20s, I'm not sure if this is a result of me simply not growing up, or if our relationship doesn't have the spark that makes me consistently excited to see her (we've been dating approximately one year). She's my first long-term relationship so it's all new to me. How do you know when the 'lust' phase has ended or if your relationship has just fizzled? 
5 set you straight Suck it up, dyke!

public opinion- is my gf a freak [03 Jan 2012|09:56am]

its been a long time since i have crushed on someone like my woman has crushed on me, so maybe i just forget what it feels like but here's the short story:
We have been friends for 9 years, clubbing, talking, we were confidants. only recently i found out that she had been in love with me almost since the beginning, and we lived in different cities, only coming together when i was in town. and when i say in love, i mean crazy stalker obsession, taking pics of me (not naked or inappropriate) without my knowledge, taking a video of me working out at the gym (from behind) and watching it in private, even so far as taking a pic of me and having it put on a pillow case when things got really bad. she was in a real bad relationship for years, and i was kind of her foot hold, a chance at something better. she always knew we would be together one day, and now we are.
i am in love with her, but i keep finding out more of the creepy stalkerish things she did before, when we were friends, and last night she confessed that she 'fiddles' with me while i'm sleeping. going so far as to actually climb on top of me and start gently grinding...
ok fiddle with my boobs, kiss my mouth, its creepy but its sweet, but then part of me is like, damn i know i am a deep sleeper but what else is she doing. i trust her when she says she has never violated me, or done anything that i wouldn't allow her to do while i was awake, but it just seems so weird. and i know she is not a bad person, she is actually the sweetest person you could ever meet, but as she says it, she has been in love with me for much longer then i her, she has been dreaming about the moment that we would finally be together for years, for her this is a dream come true, so sometimes she just can't help herself, and takes liberties with my unconscious body :S

how weird is this, should i be flattered or scared????
38 set you straight Suck it up, dyke!

making out with a straight girl? [28 Dec 2011|02:36pm]
So I met this girl recently that I'm really into. We're not in a relationship--she identifies as straight--but we've had multiple, private make-out sessions. That's really where it stops. I haven't tried to go further with her than just groping, because I respect her boundaries as a woman that identifies as straight. She hasn't tried to do anything with me beyond making out, and I'm not going to be an asshole and push it. The thing is, she turns me on immensely. Like, we will be making out for a while at her place and I will be pretty much squirming, and then the second I get home, I have to masturbate. It gets quite frustrating, but at the same time, I don't want to just stop doing this with her because its that good.

I don't think she gets the same sexual, physiological reaction as I do. She seems to enjoy making out with me because its fun, but she doesn't really seem to care otherwise. I haven't developed romantic feelings for her, so its not like I'm chasing a straight girl or anything. I'm just really, really sexually attracted to her. And I don't know if it's a good idea to continue with these make out sessions? I really enjoy them, but at the same time, I'm pretty frustrated that they aren't going anywhere. I don't know if I should talk to her about it? I feel like she might even be annoyed at that because she has already told me she's straight. Or should I try to take it to the next level next time and see how she responds? Or should I just stop dwelling on it because a straight girl is not going to want to have sex with me, and I should just continue with what's going on and just masturbate after? Or should I just stop making out with her?
26 set you straight Suck it up, dyke!

Exchanging rings [13 Dec 2011|10:16pm]
Sorry to be all super incognito and posting from a dummy journal, but I know my gf reads this comm sometimes so I need to be anonomous.

I've been with my gf for three years. She's been hinting around lately that she'd like me to "pop the question," and it's something I am positive I want to do. The only reason I haven't done it yet is because I keep getting hung up on the logistics. Do I buy her a ring? Am I supposed to buy TWO rings, one for myself and one for her? I want to do this right but I don't know how and I end up obsessing over the little details rather than just considering the big picture. Ideally I'd like to propose in the next three months or so. If you've been engaged or exchanged rings, how did you go about it? Is there any point in getting all hung up on "tradition" when we're defined as a "nontraditional" couple anyhow?

And yeah I know how GROSSLY HETERONORMATIVE this shit is and we don't even live in a place where we can legally be married anyway but nevermind that.... HELP!!
15 set you straight Suck it up, dyke!

A bit lost [26 Nov 2011|10:42am]

Broken up after five years...Collapse )
14 set you straight Suck it up, dyke!

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