chiropteras (chiropteras) wrote in suckitupdyke,

So. I'm a recently married dyke in a poly* (my wife has complicated feels about the word "polyamorous" but we are definitely non-monogamous) relationship. When we began dating several years ago, one of the first conversations we ever had was about where we stood on the monogamy front-- at the time, we agreed that, while we were currently only interested in seeing each other, the thought of compulsory monogamy gave us both the creeps, and neither of us were interested in policing each others bodies or choices.

Since then we have sort of been monogamous by default, although we've both entertained the idea of going on dates from time to time and we freely talk about our crushes to each other.

A couple weeks ago, a cute girl who works next door to my work -- a friend of friends-- sidled up to me at the bar and asked me out on a date. I was surprised and flattered and took her up on it. We went to a show and had a good time, but I didn't get to know her very well-- we kissed, we talked about hanging out again, she hangs out at my work so I see her often. Turns out she also has a primary partner in another state whom she was moving to be with in a few months, so that conversation went over super casually. It felt like a pretty safe scenario to me, pretty ideal as far as my relationship to dating goes at this point in my life. My wife and I have been reading some lit on responsible non-monogamy together and she's had a few minor jealousy attacks or moments of fear but we're talking it out, I'm trying to be considerate of her desire for a lot of verbal and physical reassurance right now.. although sometimes it's admittedly a little exhausting and I wish she were more relaxed about it. Still, we're talking it out and mostly doing good on that front.

Now, where it gets more complicated:

Before Date Girl came into the picture, I was crushing hard on this male-bodied fellow, which almost NEVER happens-- we're talking like, a couple times in my entire life, I typically identify as a dyke for a reason-- aaanyways, he's also a friend of friends, also hangs out at my work, and after a few pretty blatantly flirty interactions we exchanged numbers and talked about hanging out, although we haven't yet.

That was all in the past couple weeks. Since then I've learned that the two of them know each other, they're good friends and she might be temporarily moving into the house he lives with a couple of our mutual friends?? I was hanging out with both of them on the patio at my work today and I felt like my head was going to explode. Is this what my whole life as a poly person is going to be like? Endless loops of people who know each other?

Basically, I'm asking you guys: What is a responsible way to navigate this? I would ideally love to casually date both of them, and I have no idea if that is realistic or not. Ideas? Approaches? Words of caution? It seems to me like if it goes well, it could go really really well, and if it goes wrong, life could get really, really complicated. Or maybe I'm blowing the whole thing out of proportion, I don't know. For what it's worth, I haven't done that much casual dating in my life, and the only other poly relationship I was in was a triad wherein I was a secondary partner, so I don't know how to apply what I learned from that in this situation, it's apples and oranges.

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