lostandfound99 (lostandfound99) wrote in suckitupdyke,
lostandfound99
lostandfound99
suckitupdyke

Frustrated

Hello,

I'm a 30 year old woman that has been single for a couple years (while only really have one 2-year relationship in my twenties). Despite many friends, I'm lonely and would really like someone to share my life with. I actively try to meet women on dating sites, but they rarely respond and I've recently just been stood up (or had plans cancelled/ignored) for my last three potential dates. Prior to that, I had met someone that I thought might be my match, but after a few dates she stopped returning my calls. I was much more interested than she was, and perhaps scared her away.

I do have abandonment issues that I am working on through counselling. I really want companionship (or fun dates, or even a random hook up at this point), but the rejection is so painful it's destroying my self worth. The loneliness is physically painful, and in the search for love I'm just becoming depressed and anxious. I thought of leaving dating sites, but I'm not "read" as queer and I rarely meet other queer women outside of the internet. I don't know how to keep putting myself out there if I keep getting burned (or ignored). 
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caligirlartist

August 25 2014, 00:57:35 UTC 2 years ago Edited:  August 25 2014, 00:59:12 UTC

I can relate. At my work, I hung out w/2 male coworkers on 2 separate occasions and both thought they were dates ( really weird considering they're 20- 30 yrs older than me). I just liked bridging the gap from coworker to friend by doing outside of work things. I also like sports, movies and outdoor things. Everyone always asks if I have a bf at work/ why aren't I married and that.

I have a hard time meeting women too, even straight women for friends. I don't drink or like going to clubs ( I do go to sports games , certain concerts/comedy shows and vounteer, etc ), and is why 1 of my potential friendships ended was due to every time I tried to hang out w/her ( doing a hike or something), she would forget and either get drunk or too high on pot the night before and need the next day to get sober.

Sorry I'm not really "helping " here. I've also never had depression or anxiety issues but do have abandonment issues. I'm just going to 'keep on' and hope for the best and same to you. I am also planning on joining a bike club and that's social and has the potential for friends/ romance either w/members or member's friends who come for a random ride....maybe there's clubs you could join? My brother goes to a trivia thing at a bar every week and I know of another one, there anything like that where you live? Maybe it could help your anxiety by lessening it as time goes on and you get more comfortable?

theidolhands

August 25 2014, 01:49:55 UTC 2 years ago Edited:  August 25 2014, 01:50:40 UTC

That's called "wishful thinking" and "pathetic" on those old dude's behalf. If you'd done the exact same thing with them but were male, they never woulda thought that, huh? I'm not really a "partier" either atm and that limits what I do too. I sympathize.

lostandfound99), all I can say is that MEETING PEOPLE IS HARD, be patient with yourself. You can kiss a lot of toads just to find good buddies, although I sincerely hope you find a girl. A lot of people today can be shopping more for advantages than relationships (the right job, location, money, connections), so don't put it all on yourself since you may have avoided getting used; I think it's great that you're doing your best and trying to learn. That's a lot more than many others. I also recommend activities and volunteering for lessoning anxiety.

If you live in a larger city, volunteering at the local GLBT community center or some other queer-oriented organization might be a good way to meet people. Some cities have queer social events/munches that you can attend, which can be tough if you don't know anyone there, but hopefully there will be someone friendly to talk to.