HALP. I need your stories, experiences and advice about confronting bad housemate behaviour. Specifically, a housemate whose partner is at your house ALL. THE. FRIKKIN. TIME. I know this is not a particularly uncommon dilemma, so I’m hoping the wise folk of SUID will be able to share experiences about being able to reach mutually satisfying arrangements? Or even bad experiences, things to avoid?
Here’s the sitch:
We're three queerbos in our twenties sharing an amazing place above a cafe. Rent is dirt cheap for a hugely coveted area. I've been here for three years, plus my art studio is here, which is also saving me a buttload of cash on studio rental. I'm also walking distance from my work. I've got a sweet deal here and I'm pretty unwilling to move.
The housemate in question has been with us for three months, and her partner has probably spent every day for the last month at our house. She's literally here all the time, even when my housemate is at work. I work two jobs and I'm lucky if I get a day off a fortnight, and I've been finding myself feeling increasingly resentful about coming home every day to a fourth housemate I didn't ask for, who is living rent free in my place. I'm spending more and more time in my room. I cannot remember the last time I came home to no one home except for the people who live here.
I’ve been doing the shared housing thing long enough to get relatively savvy about respectful communication, but I find this situation SO AWKWARD. It’s such an awkward thing to flag because I feel like it has the potential to create this inorganic situation where she is forced to feel self-conscious about making choices to invite people over, and I certainly don’t want to make her partner feel unwelcome or create tension between the three of us that I have to live with in my own space. In that way, I feel like it’s information I can’t expect her to hold if I’m not willing to offer some solutions. HOWEVER, I have no interest in asking the partner to contribute to the rent or the utilities because I think it legitimizes her position as (unwanted and unofficial) fourth housemate. I don’t want her to contribute, I want her here less.